@amishschool: * Runs Baywatch-style into oncoming traffic *
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@filthyson: How to make-out - 1. Hold her close 2. Kiss passionately 3. Don't mention the budget deficit or your father
@realHamOnWry: After I die I want the words, 'Wow, this place is twice as big as my old apartment' engraved on my urn.
@llvvzz: I wish I would have listened to my grandma when she told me one day I'd regret not focusing harder on my hitman career.
@bulls_horns: 1. Pour milk on floor. 2. Ask which kid did it. 3. Send them to their rooms when they don't admit it. 4. Enjoy peaceful evening.