@amishschool: * Runs Baywatch-style into oncoming traffic *
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@blade_funner: I knife through the icy water like a shark. The spectators gasp in awe. Mall security struggles to drag me fully-clothed from the fountain.
@Mr_Kapowski: Wife: I got our daughter a surprise for her birthday but don't let the cat out of the bag Me: YOU GOT HER A CAT? Kid: *upstairs* YAAAYYYY!
@WildeThingy: "I want to swim with an overweight, rich white guy before I die." - Dolphin bucket list.
@liv_thatsme: "Don't you wish you had children?" Me: Don't you wish you had money, free time, & sanity?