@Ivsy01: *runs thru a couple holding hands like it's the finish line of a marathon.
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@dxblarssonENG: I hate when my tattoo guy asks if he can take pics for his website and then I wake up the next day realising I don't have any tattoos.
@singwithTaffy: Please, by all means, call my landline. I'll reply with a postcard attached to a helium balloon
@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old: How many pull-ups can you do? Me: 22. Wife: How many with witnesses? Me: Almost 1.
@autocorrects: You're 15 and miss the 90's? Yeah, I'm sure those were the best 2 years of your life. Shitting in your pants and eating dirt.