@bourgeoisalien: Sad that 25 years ago Homer Simpson seemed like a looser in American culture and now it's like: "Whoa...that guy has a job AND owns a home?"
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@Ygrene: [at the park] SON: dad dad what's that in the sky?! (points at helicopter) ME: (forgetting the word helicopter) that son is……a blenderplane
@Fred_Delicious: [g/friends dad] "who in your opinion is the greatest football player of all time?" Me - [say a real name say a real name] "Football Man"
@Kim_pulsive: My dogs keep looking at me as if I have the power to fix the snow outside but I'm too goddamned lazy to do it