@SaraMansford: Sad that at 36 I have yet to experience the dirty dancing lift. If it doesn't happen by 40 I'll just start running at random strangers.
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@batkaren: Coworker: It'll either work or it won't. Me: Yes. Those would be the two possible outcomes.
@GoddessTitty: [Home invasion] Me: isn't there anything ELSE you want to take? Burglar: lady I told you I'm married
@ewfeez: The best thing about being Bane has gotta be that he can just slice a hardboiled egg straight into his pie hole
@daemonic3: *buys a bunch of stuff at Costco* Sir, you wanna box for those? "Nah, I hate violence. Can I just pay cash?"