@SaraMansford: Sad that at 36 I have yet to experience the dirty dancing lift. If it doesn't happen by 40 I'll just start running at random strangers.
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@NicestHippo: "Your evolutionary biology thesis is rejected." Why? "You added (lmao) every time you mentioned Homo Erectus."
@DurtMcHurtt: Her: hey handsome, why don't you give me your number... Me: ...because I still need it.
@shariv67: Hello? I'd like to rent one bouncey house, please. How many will be using it? Just one. Her age? Uh. Four........ty-seven.
@flashember: You've reached voicemail of [Jim], leave a message. "Hi it's the library. The book 'How to Steal Library Books' is now 1 week over...UH OH"