@MazMHussain: Said it before but someone needs to start a rumor that Muslims don't eat donuts so that people will start sending those to the mosque.
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@LeonEarlgrey: Haloween is over, but i just saw a group of people dressed up as the ghosts of the Cone Heads.
@VerifiedDrunk: Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, the very next day you told me you're gay....
@UnFitz: Her: For once I'd like a man to just sweep me off my feet. Me: *slowly ties Karate Kid headband around forehead*
@_CherriAnn_: My walk of shame is going back for a shopping cart after realizing I can't carry 23 items in my arms through the store.