@MazMHussain: Said it before but someone needs to start a rumor that Muslims don't eat donuts so that people will start sending those to the mosque.
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@Douchekevin: The girl next door looks over at me, then her phone, then makes a disgusted look on her face. I think she's just found my twitter account
@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: We’re playing Star Wars. I’m a Jedi and Mom is a stormtrooper. Me: What am I? 4-year-old: In the way.