@GavinProbably: Said "large" today at Starbucks, and everyone starting chanting "Venti, Venti, Venti!" and a mass suicide occurred.
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@Pro_Jones_: Me: Mozart was a great composer, but now that he's dead he's a great Wife: I swear to God I'll divorce you Me: *through tears* Decomposer.
@putyoursisterd1: Me in HR: I wasn't trying to be condescending... It's just that the boss didn't understand and I thought the puppets might make it clearer.
@licensedtoverb: Maybe I'll starting bringing a spray bottle and treat them like misbehaving cats. "NO!" *Shoots person in face*
@JustDontBugMe: Her: Those ants are working so hard. Me: We could learn from them. Ant1: Humans are staring. Ant2: Yes, they'll spray some shit on us. Run!