@Arbitral: "Said no one ever." -Said everyone on Twitter.
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@TommyWallace: "Yeah I just really enjoy playing devil's avocado sometimes" Teacher: devil's advocate? Me [grabbing trident and avocado costume]: no.
@david8hughes: "Marines!" "SIR, YES SIR!" "Get ready to deploy at 05:00 sharp--HUGHES WHERE IN THE SHIT ARE YOU GOING!?" "That's too early I quit."
@Scott_A_Gilmore: I gave up and "folded" the fitted sheet into a rope so I could shimmy down from the 3rd floor to escape folding laundry.
@onion_an: Me: Waitress, can I ask you something about the menu please Waitress [slaps my face]: The men I please, that's none of your business