@gonzohostility: Said she was gonna send a pic of her "backyard' . Turns out we weren't on the same page
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@ErrenMichaels: Dog: Whatcha doing? Me: Shaving my legs. Dog: Why? Me: So that I'm not covered in... Dog: Not covered in what, Erren? NOT COVERED IN WHAT?
@BuckyIsotope: Just beat Eminem 4000 straight times at musical chairs by playing "The Real Slim Shady" over and over.
@CoreyKeyz: Valentine's Day makes me realize how single I really am. But I'm still gonna sleep like a baby knowing I'm not getting cheated on.