@gonzohostility: Said she was gonna send a pic of her "backyard' . Turns out we weren't on the same page
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@canadian_jane: I respect strippers because its really hard to dance by yourself and not look stupid.
@kelkulus: When I'm bored on a plane, I pull a random machine part out of my pocket and ask the person next to me "Do you know where this came from?"
@rockymomax: [having sex] Me: Oh ya you like that? Her: Deeper! Me: [baritone voice] OH YA YOU LIKE THAT?
@MikeCanRant: if you hold a turtle shell up to your ear you can hear a turtle biting on your ear you dumb idiot