@Social_Mime: Salad is being recalled. Do you know what's never been recalled? Oreos.
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@Tommytoughstuff: [I remove my bike helmet, but my toupee comes off with it] "I'm sorry guys, is there something funny about safety?"
@_wangwe: Superman's first day at the daily planet. Boss: Since you're new, you might need supervision. Clark: I have that, superhearing too.
@robdelaney: Steve Jobs' entire legacy is invalidated by the shortness of the iPhone charger's cord.