@Social_Mime: Salad is being recalled. Do you know what's never been recalled? Oreos.
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@: humans: lets invent computers so they can do work for us and we can be free to see our families or write poems or whatever also humans: actually if you dont have a job society will murder you it turns out
@TheAlexNevil: *horror movie "The calls are coming from inside the house!" "Can you find out from where? I want some chips but I'm too lazy to get up."
@GauravBlue4ever: Church: Follow Jesus. Me: Does he follow back? Church: .. Me: .. Church: .. Me: Shoutout for shoutout??
@LittleMissZesty: So when a cat pounces on a stranger's lap and demands tickles it's "cute" but when I do it I'm "causing trouble in Starbucks" again. Jeez!