@SSparklesDaily: Salad is the decaf of food.
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@dysondoc: The new jumper I bought kept picking up static electricity, so I took it back and they exchanged it for another one free of charge.
@ElleOhHell: Damn girl, are you a maple tree? Cause I would tap that, and you have an impressive root structure which is where this metaphor falls apart.
@Black__Elvis: I don't understand why I keep getting denied for bank loans because I have good credit & I'm only asking to borrow like four or five banks.
@weinerdog4life: How do I stay in shape? I stole an ostrich, it chases me around the house all day, i hate it