@SSparklesDaily: Salad is the decaf of food.
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@iGreenMonk: Baked turkey for 4 and a half days - instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108! #MyProblem
@SteveSuckington: You drop ONE baby and everyone's all like, "Quit juggling babies Steve. You're the worst babysitter ever!"
@Snarfernini: Me: Let's have a fight with that guy you like Brain: That's not a good idea, he might actually like y... Me: GOOD IDEA! WE ATTACK AT DAWN!