@DillDoes: Salamanders are the most passive aggressive animal. You grab their tail and they're like "have that one, I don't even want it"
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@david8hughes: [egg store] Me: what kinda eggs are these? Clerk: chicken eggs Me: u got dog eggs? Clerk [holdin up a sign saying meet me out back in 5]: no
@YourKyness: Some guy commented on my all-black outfit today: "So whose funeral is it?" I told him I haven decided yet.