@tackoftheJar: *Sandra Bullock floating around in the background of all the new Star Wars movies*
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@shutupmikeginn: I have sloth-like reflexes "Don't you mean catlike reflexes?" [several hours later] No
@TheFunnyWorId: Why is peter pan always flying? He neverlands. I like this joke because it never grows old.
@SamGrittner: I'm surprised carving faces into vegetables after pulling out their innards isn't incorporated into more American Holidays.
@JohnHilsen: Mankind has made a lot of mistakes, some of them truly monstrous. The Holocaust. Slavery. Calling it a "corn maze" and not a "maize maze."