@slimmy_shady: Sandwich: Hi. Barman: Sorry, we dont serve food in here.
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@tastefactory: Hey water enhancer company, you could have made your pineapple flavor literally any other color.
@TheQuietPsycho: Apparently just because your dad had a bunch of DUI's, the cops won't accept "tradition" as an excuse as to why you're driving drunk.
@RobElliottComic: When I see a couple fighting I like to walk up to the one who's more pissed off and whisper "We can make it look like a suicide" and wink