@Love_bug1016: Santa read your DMs. The only thing you're getting for Christmas is a prayer group on Facebook.
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@LostCatDog: Cop leans over body: Looks like *removes shades* cement poisoning Or a case *removes mustache* of gravity Or *removes teeth* aaah gaah bwaa
@PajamaBenLaden: *undercover cop knocks* Hi fill out this survey to win a free IPad! 1. name 2. address 3. email 4. where are drugs *mustache falls off*
@Jake_Vig: I saw a woman really screaming at her kids in public this morning, but in her defense, the kids were ugly.
@anerdonfire2: As we debated who would win between Vader and Gandalf, we suddenly realized our dates had left