@JennyJohnsonHi5: Sarah Palin's new Christmas book is her attempt at valuing the sanctity Christmas so she can sell books and make money just like baby Jesus.
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@krissywillbretz: Brain: stop eating! Me: why B: you'll get fat M: so? B: there's only enough vodka to catch a buzz on an empty stomach! M: oh *stops eating*
@sixfootcandy: Interviewer: Can we call your former employer for a reference? Me: Not if you're considering me for the job.
@mrtruthandsoul: Me: ... Dog: ... Me: ... Dog: ... Me: .. Dog: .. Me: ... Dog: .. Me: .. Dog: .. Me: ... Dog: ... (Women, take note *ahem* Man's best friend)