@salazarsboxing: Sarcasm so good, they think you're being nice.
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@Jake_Vig: I saw a woman really screaming at her kids in public this morning, but in her defense, the kids were ugly.
@Just_Beachy72: Answers phone breathlessly Friend: Sorry!! Didn't know you had company Me: I was washing floors F: Oh...is that the new code? Me: No...
@david8hughes: [sees girl reading The Catcher in the Rye] "Ah I love that book. The way he just [clenches fist] catches all that frickin rye."
@JasonBanksComic: Kids eat free today? Nice... In that case, I'll have a water and my son will have the steak and shrimp combo with a kids bud light.