@shadygeekdad: Saturday night, time to get crazy! *shuffles Uno cards*
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@gamecox93: Now that I have an adult coloring book, most arguments with my 3 yr old are over fridge space.
@stephenjmolloy: [Every restaurant ever] Manager: "Has he got a mouthful of food?" Waiter: "Yes." Manager: "Go and ask him how his meal is."
@cbdoubleu: [Gets arrested] Officer: You get one phone call... *hangs up a few minutes later. Can you turn the radio up? I requested a song.