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@onion_an: [at aquarium] That's a lot of octopussys to have in a tank. "Octopi" Oh sorry...that's a lot of octopussys to occupy a tank.
@PaperWash: If your online dating profile says "I don't have sex on the first date" then that's why you're on a dating website.
@Home_Halfway: "How much for this melted ghost?" Sir that's a bed sheet "You have a lot of them! And they're packaged? IS THIS GHOST HELL" This is a Macys
@LOsepyan: According to my next door neighbor's diary I have "boundary issues" can you believe that?