@skillsmcgill: Save money on laser removal of 'love hate' knuckle tattoos, by changing the last letter to an 's' and developing an interest in millinery.
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@KalvinMacleod: 911 what's the emergency "Please help, I made too much spaghetti" Relax sir, we've all been th—*spaghetti starts coming out of the phone*
@iamspacegirl: Ghost me would do the same stuff as alive me. Howl. Wander. Stand in front of the fridge and stare at all the food I'm not allowed to eat.
@smilely_gal: 7 has started saying "your life just got better," whenever he enters the room; humility is not this kid's strong-suit.
@3sunzzz: This chicken is so moist, what is your secret? I squeeze a little KY Jelly into its cavity before heating.