@ThisOneSayz: Save your voice calling for your kids. Just open a bag of chips and they'll materialize out of nowhere.
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@WheelTod: Today I finally told my kids that St Patrick isn't real, and it's been me putting the snakes under their pillows all these years.
@WritePlay: Anjelica Huston got married to the inventor of autocorrect and now her legal name is Ageless Ice Houseboat.
@Underchilde: Sorry I stuck a cheese puff in your baby’s mouth when you couldn’t find a pacifier.
@AmericanGent69: Me: *tries to sneak a pic of someone but forgets flash is on Did you just take my picture? Me: *starts to make thunder noises