@sabre_squirrel: *saves dandruff for 7 years to throw as confetti at friends wedding that i never really liked*
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@simoncholland: Thanks for always acting surprised by breakfast in bed like you slept right through the great pots and pans avalanche of 6:45 AM.
@notacroc: Me: my grandfather was George Washington Date: don't you mean your great great great great great great grandfather Me: i mean he was okay
@ComedicBust: Prevent your neighbors from ever awkwardly waving at you again by hanging a Russian flag today.