@adam_bloomquist: Saw a billboard that said: Don't be distracted by driving and texting. Next one said: Don't be distracted by driving and reading billboards.
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@IvoryGazelle: My first thought when meeting new people is often how tiny they are and how security in this maternity ward sucks.
@flashember: DAUGHTER: Mom asked me to check on you and the eggnog making ME [wrestling a screaming chicken into a blender full of milk]: GRAB ITS LEGS
@daemonic3: Stopped drinking coffee 3 days ago, and feel less and less addicted to caffeine with every new cup of my own pee.