@AndyAsAdjective: Saw a guy riding a unicycle today. Actually, he was riding a bicycle but I didn't see him & I hit him with my car. Then boom! Unicycle.
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@TheDeducers: Grammar Nazi hiding in Argentina captured after being baited on social media with an inappropriate you're usage
@_thatigirl: Asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently, "A way out" wasn't the right answer.
@TheMichaelRock: Cashier: Aww, you grocery shop so your wife doesn't have to? [flashback to me losing paper, rock, scissors] Me: Yeah, I'm sweet like that.