@VinnieLovelace: Saw a guy with a barcode tattoo on his neck. Scanned it with my RedLaser app & he couldn't believe I found him cheaper on 3 online stores
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@shariv67: When dogs suddenly stop licking themselves and stare into the distance, they're thinking, "Shit. Did I leave the iron on?"
@WhaJoTalkinBout: [text] Hub: I have to go to the doctor. Me: Is it your eyes? Hub: Yes! Me: Is your vision blurry? Hub: Yes!! Me: You're wearing my contacts.
@causticbob: News: IKEA pledges 1 billion euros to help slow climate change. But knowing IKEA, it will take forever to put the money together.