@rickkondell: Saw a homeless guy at McDonald's begging for money, told him I'd buy him something to eat. He said no thanks, getting money for Taco Bell.
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@Swishergirl24: My favorite part about family dinner is when my brother says how he made 600K last year and I get to say someone made a clock of my Avi.
@AndrewNadeau0: ME: So, where are the Hobbits? GUIDE: Again, that's Middle Earth. This is Central America. ME: Ooh, right. *Whispers in fear* Orc territory.
@LilBlueBlood: Whenever I have to park in a bad neighbourhood I leave my Blackberry in plain sight so people know there's nothing worth stealing in my car