@rickkondell: Saw a homeless guy at McDonald's begging for money, told him I'd buy him something to eat. He said no thanks, getting money for Taco Bell.
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@TheMichaelRock: It's not really a random act of kindness if you planned it, photographed it, and posted it to social media.
@ericsshadow: ME: I play for the Philadelphia Eagles. HER: What position do u play? ME: I'm a *thinks back to the only game I watched* wide-retriever.
@undeadmolly: I deliberately mispronounce 'quinoa' and then adjust the server's tip according to how condescending they are when they correct me.
@panmidwest: I was going to pay the taxi driver with my leftovers from lunch but that wouldn't be fare to him