@rickkondell: Saw a homeless guy at McDonald's begging for money, told him I'd buy him something to eat. He said no thanks, getting money for Taco Bell.
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@timdonakowski: If I ever meet someone who's been in a coma since 2004, I'm trying to sell them a USB drive for $150.
@caseytduncan: When I find someone else's grocery list in a shopping cart I use it....see where it takes me.
@PaulyPeligroso: Why do people draw sunglasses on the sun? It's like, dude, he's the sun. They make sunglasses because of him.