@Tmoney68: Saw a police officer dressed as a pilot today & thought it was weird. Then I realized he must be one of those "plane clothes cops."
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@EJGomez: "We can't hire you. We're trying to get more diverse" ME: But I'm Hispanic [A bear walks in wearing a fresh Hooters outfit] ME: Aw man
@mattZillaaaa: Tomorrow is my company's office holiday potluck. I really hope they like the french fries I found between my car seat
@BradBroaddus: DOCTOR: "I'm calling to notify you of your outstanding balance." ME: "Thanks! I do yoga." DOCTOR:........