@WheelTod: Saw a standup duo last night. One totally died on stage. The other killed. Actually, now I think about it, it might have been a cage fight.
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@OneStopComedy: Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
@ericacanrant: You know its my phone if it looks like someone fingerpainted the touch screen in donut glaze.
@LoveNLunchmeat: *gets called a psychopath *googles "What's the average IQ of a psychopath?" AWWW, HE THINKS I'M REALLY SMART.
@NickAmadeus: Every Ryan Gosling movie is about what would happen if a really weird guy was also incredibly attractive.