@MavenofHonor: Saw a woman leave her dog in the car, engine running, air on. He watched her from the front seat for a moment and then drove away
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@serialmatrix: God: sends you to hell for aborting your 'child'.nGod: killed his only son.nAnd that, ladies & gentlemen, is religion in a nutshell.
@psybermonkey: King's men: sorry your highness...we couldn't put Humpty Dumpty back together again King (drunk af): let the horses try
@joejwest: MAN: What are you doing? ME: [pointing gun at lake] Fishing MAN: No way will- SALMON: [walks out of lake with fins up]
@briangaar: How about a superhero whose power is TAKING CARE OF HIS KIDS *high-fives Maury audience while Batman storms off*