@MattOswaltVA: saw girl I have crush on with her new fiance at Ikea but you know what they say, when God closes a Stǿrås Innjørdën he opens a Főnstǝrviviǵ
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@JasonLight73: Duck you AutoCorrect! You Blimb! I'm way more BadApps than you make me out to be! You Ducking piece of shed..BuckFace Toothless Bastilleday!
@scorpiusryan21: Had a skype interview yesterday and I completely avoided the fact that I am actually a centaur
@The_Sculptress: Every night when you sleep,I sneak into your house, full of desire. I then reduce the amount of marshmallowy treats in your cereal&go home.
@sad_jake: Me: OK bedtime Mind: Hey let's think about stuff Me: No, sleep Mind: OK here are some horrible memories you want to forget Me: FUUUUUUUCK