@MattOswaltVA: saw girl I have crush on with her new fiance at Ikea but you know what they say, when God closes a Stǿrås Innjørdën he opens a Főnstǝrviviǵ
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@gogocosmonaut: Jesus said that he'd get rid of evil people, whereas Norse gods said they'd get rid of frost giants. nnI don't see many frost giants around.
@radstunts: have u ever just taken your goth girlfriend out on a date but it gets dark out and you lose her in the parking lot
@Ms_Moneypenny_: You are right, 27 is "just a number" but I'm looking for a man, not a boy. No offense. PS: Save my number... just in case I change my mind.
@joeljeffrey: [Eating] Waiter: How's the meal? Me: I dunno. Let me check *pulls out phone Me: Not good. It only got 2 likes on Instagram Waiter: ...