@IncrediblyRich: Saw Helena Bonham Carter walking down Wardour Street earlier looking every inch the mystical vagabond. Was tempted to rub her head for luck.
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@Sickayduh: Me: *goes to jail for murdering coworkers* Boss: You're still coming in early tomorrow, right?
@CubanaMama82: The worst thing about dating is bringing a nice guy home after dinner, only to find your husband home early from work.
@TheBoydP: I was confused when my wife asked me what I spent $108 on at the liquor store. I answered "liquor?" All is not a trick question. Apparently
@abbycohenwl: "Where do people already feel awkward & uncomfortable?" "Church?" "K let's make 'em like that" -- funeral home designers