@WheelTod: Saw Interstellar over the weekend & was totally glued to my seat. The movie was OK but the getting-glued-to-my-seat thing ruined it for me.
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@huntigula: [interview] BOSS: So you have zero experience? ME: Hire me & I'll give u a sweet nickname B: That's absurd.. ME: Lazerwolf B: Welcome aboard
@CastAwayKristen: "Nine Foods You Should Never Eat Again" Also known as the contents of my refrigerator.
@Ms_Shazam: "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go." - Me to my children.
@EndhooS: Wife: he's always confusing sayings... Therapist: what if you're just misinterpreting him? Me: oooh, check you out playing devil's avocado