@TheCiscoKidder: Saw my wife watching the Food Network while I was making dinner, so I was like, "You can just watch me in the kitchen, no commercials!"
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@timdonakowski: Naming my daughter "A Relationship" so I don't have to worry about punks wanting to be in her.
@KevinFarzad: ENTRY-LEVEL JOB OPENING: Minimum 3 years exp required. Must speak 4 languages, have 2 Olympic medals & a reference letter from Barack Obama.
@fightforfood: do u think spider-man ever shot a little of his own web in his mouth just to see what it tastes like