@runolgarun: saw someone spill their high end juice cleanse all over the sidewalk and now I know god is on my side
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@TheSadnesses: if I am elected governor I will eat your pillow while you sleep and unlike my opponent I will also do it if I am not elected
@Darlainky: Veterinarian- You're here to discuss your dog's salivation? Me- No. My dog's a good dog, he'll go to Heaven! I'm here about his slobbering.
@ventivodkacran: ...and the award for best lead actress in a dramatic role goes to me for "I Have A Sinus Infection, Why Don't You Care That I'm Dying"