@runolgarun: saw someone spill their high end juice cleanse all over the sidewalk and now I know god is on my side
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@Sickayduh: "Hey Fred" Yeah Barney? "The Bee Gees have no hot chicks in the band" Yeah but ABBA do!
@TheToddWilliams: Dentist: How often do you floss? Dracula: Every day Dentist: Your gums are covered in blood. Dracula: Oh...I mean never. I never floss.
@Dani_Feld: That's it. The next time a relative asks me if I have a boyfriend, I'm going to say "no, I'm just sleeping around".
@partlyfunny: If you want to have fun with your kids, tell them the teacher called, then ask if there is something they need to tell you.