@daveexplosm: Saw the trailer for Life Of Pi. Why are they making a Calvin & Hobbes movie in 2013?
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@blaudiablogan: Guy asked me where I got my green eyes. Great! Now I have to explain what the Vikings did when they got to Sicily.
@NotthatAdamWest: April Fool's Day pregnancy jokes stopped being fun when my parents started getting excited instead of scared.
@just1fool: 8:I like cheese! Me:I like cheese more. 8:No! I like cheese more! I love cheese! Me:You don't know what you're getting into here.
@thatUPSdude: Boss: Are you done with those reports yet? Me: Can you stop hovering over me? Boss: Sorry [turns off jetpack] Me: Much better.