@SciencePorn: Saw this cutie pie on the side of the highway this morning
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@JimGaffigan: A chain lock on a door is just there to annoy the person who is breaking in to kill you, right?
@GrrrRach: If Jehovah's witnesses brought red wine and Pringles with them, I'd gladly let them in to spend an afternoon chatting about religion.
@TravLeBlanc: Everyone is just looking for that special someone who could do way better but chooses not to for some inexplicable reason.