@BigBec43: Saw this guy having engine troubles with his smart car. So I got out my son's legos and built him a new one. I'm such a giver
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@BoozeWallet: [Mesozoic era] God: if u can't spell ur name you're going extinct Jellyfish: seems fair Pterodactyl: [to Brachiosaurus] this is bullshit
@bmarked21: My new credit card has this awesome theft protection where it just says "declined" whenever you use it.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: How do you tell your spouse you were fired from SpaghettiOs for honoring Pearl Harbor Day with a smiling cartoon noodle holding a flag?
@WilliamAder: Why hang Wanted posters in the post office? We're not crime-fighting crusaders. We're buying stamps.