@BigBec43: Saw this guy having engine troubles with his smart car. So I got out my son's legos and built him a new one. I'm such a giver
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@Jake_Vig: Try not to put yourself in a position where you have to say "I'm not actually a Nazi"
@StockSwaff: Girls like guys who take charge: ask her out, plan a date, take a hostage, overthrow a government, nuke her ex's hometown, buy her a puppy.
@AbrasiveGhost: UK Scientist: We've engineered a new species of cyanobacteria U.S. scientist: We've made pigs in a blanket 50% piggier
@Crutnacker: BIDEN: That went well. OBAMA: Did you have to say you loved Trump's sons in Twilight? BIDEN: It's what I do.