@BigBec43: Saw this guy having engine troubles with his smart car. So I got out my son's legos and built him a new one. I'm such a giver
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@TheCatWhisprer: My toddler just threw her teddy bear out of her crib like she works for United Airlines.
@BCMontgo: [concert venue] Manager: Start the fog machine! Me: *gulps* Fog? *hundreds of frogs start falling on crowd
@MaraWilson: ME: If we get nuked I hope my cats live. They can eat my corpse for sustenance. I'd be fine with that. DAD: So you're still single