@KatrinaGibson13: Sawing a hole in the bottom of a table to steal someone's cake is way harder than it looks on cartoons.
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@kibblesmith: Nice try "Marco Rubio" — or should I say... [rearranges letters] "BIRAC UBOMA" [audience gasps]
@MenHumor: Nothing says I have faith in god like the six inches of bullet proof glass on the popes car.
@UrplePingo: In honor of Columbus Day I'm going to drive around until I get lost then make myself at home in the first clearly inhabited house I find
@MrsTomServo: Women want men they can fix; men want girls they can save; I want a sandwich that makes itself.