@KatrinaGibson13: Sawing a hole in the bottom of a table to steal someone's cake is way harder than it looks on cartoons.
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@tylerschmall: *walks into Babies R Us* Hi I'd like to buy a baby. "Sir we don't-" *I slide him a 100 dollar bill* "This way please."
@sammyrhodes: Every time I lose a sock I like to imagine it went to set one of Dobby's house elf friends free.
@Cpt_Burnout: REALITY SHOW IDEA: Put 10 tweeters in a house with only 1 phone charger and plenty of booze. BOOM.