@jake_likes_naps: Say goodbye to your girlfriends cause I just bought a book on magic tricks
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@Book_Krazy: Me: I love these lazy Sundays. Boss: It's Tuesday. Get off my couch and out of my office. And for Christ's sake, put some clothes on!
@DaddyJew: Your mom doesn't understand Your dad doesn't understand Your friends don't understand But french fries, french fries understand you
@ghostkrogh: Me (getting choked): who called it getting new tires Guy (who is choking me): how are you breathing Me (dying): and not a retirement plan