@jake_likes_naps: Say goodbye to your girlfriends cause I just bought a book on magic tricks
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@bobvulfov: Professor i'd like an extension on my paper. why? well my ex just got married & i have to comment "lame" on all her wedding pics on facebook
@JermHimselfish: I hate it when I see an inflatable arm-flailing tube man and then I realize that he was actually flailing his arms at someone behind me.
@Reverend_Scott: ME: You bring that cash you owe me? ELEPHANT: Oh, sorry man, I forgot. ME: No you didn't.
@topaz_kell: Exposing myself to different cultures has an entirely different meaning than I thought. *puts trench coat back on*