@jake_likes_naps: Say goodbye to your girlfriends cause I just bought a book on magic tricks
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@Playing_Dad: Daughter: Daddy, why is the moon following us around? Me: I probably owe it money like everyone else on the planet
@matt___nelson: *walks up to dealer* I would like 3 weeds please "Are you a cop?" No I love crime and tomfoolery "..." Could I also get a bushel of cocaine?
@mikescollins: "1990 called, they want their shirt back." "...why didn't you warn them about 9/11?"