@Marlebean: "Say TGIF ONE more time" I say, scowling at my coworker with no children, "Go ahead, say it again."
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@nolifecoach: To the woman with the screaming kids in Walmart: If you're wondering how the condoms got in your cart....You're welcome
@lecalabara: Home Alone 6: Homeland Security - Everyone in Washington D.C. has gone on vacation and left Kevin in charge!
@KeetPotato: [dog paws your leg when you stop stroking his head] 1st time: "aww cuuuute" 2nd time: "ha okay" 3rd time: "i am trapped in a nightmare"