@Dis0beyJay: Say what you want about cargo pants but no woman has ever turned down a guy who can carry 7 puppies at once
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@Ristolable: Me at 20: I'm smarter than everyone in the world Me at 28: I am so smart for going to the cheaper gas station
@XplodingUnicorn: Brother: *calls* Can you pick me up at the airport tomorrow? Me: Sure. Can't wait to see you. Him: I land at 5 AM. Me: I have no brother.
@Playing_Dad: Customer Service Person: is there anything else I can help you with today? Me: Is this a date? It feels like a date now.