@sammyrhodes: Saying a prayer for all the turkeys tomorrow. Also the single people with concerned relatives.
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@GinAndJif: A guy just revved his engine and drove off really quick so I had to chase him for three miles to tell him I don't want to have sex with him.
@theshantilly: Me: Go ahead. Waiter: Huh? Me: You're staring at my hair. Go ahead & touch it. Waiter: There's a leaf in it.
@audipenny: A snake is what happens when a string goes "what if I was alive and had a weird mad looking head"