@SgtButtCheeks: Saying 'Do you want to kiss me as much as I want to kiss you?' only works in the movies and not with strangers at Sports Authority
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@whatmaddness: "She's more afraid of you than you are of her," the mother reassures her child, as I scramble away to keep it from touching me.
@iamspacegirl: Grandpa *pulls coin from my ear* Me: Pft. Some trick. Grandpa *shoves coin into my ear, twists my nose, peanuts begin pouring from my face*
@Mr_Kapowski: Grandma Got Ran Over by a Reindeer is my favorite song about how to incorrectly deal with the loss of a loved one during the holiday