@TheDreamGhoul: saying monkeys r ur favorite animal is basically saying u like a shorter, hairier version of urself who can only communicate by screaming
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@urgeekisshowing: That awkward moment when someone asks if you've dyed your hair and you say no, its just clean.
@ThaJawn: Clown: OMG! I just crashed my car! Clown 911: We are dispatching 20 ambulances to your location
@KeetPotato: [my 1st day as crime scene investigator] detective: "how did this man drown?" me: "he could not breathe underwater"