@TheDreamGhoul: saying monkeys r ur favorite animal is basically saying u like a shorter, hairier version of urself who can only communicate by screaming
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@BoogTweets: Me: *violently swinging a stick* these piñatas are getting harder to hit Zip line park owner: Hello 911? He’s back again
@kellysdf: Life was dangerous when I was young. We answered the phone never knowing who was on the other end.
@aguywithnolife: searching for people who think cologne is spelled colon is my favorite thing to do
@k_lli: A guy was honking at a car ahead of him to speed up at 6AM so I followed him bc his job must be amazing if he's that excited to get to work.