@OhNoSheTwitnt: Saying Trump can't be an antisemite because his daughter converted to Judaism is like saying he can't be sexist because he married a woman.
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@Mr_Kapowski: *ring* Her: Hello, Sex Addict Hotline Me: Help please Her: Ok sir. Let's take some breaths. Deep. Slow. In and out Me: THIS ISN'T HELPING
@garrydavenport: Next time my 5 y/o says "Daddy, guess what?", I'm going to refuse to let her continue until I can actually guess, even if it takes 7 years.
@SamReidSays: Dogs are probably really excited about dog sledding before they find out what it actually is.
@_davidlucas_: The shortest distance between two points is over a cyclist. ~Australian drivers, apparently.