@Social_Mime: Saying "You first" when the doctor told me to take off my shirt made the rest of the appointment awkward for him and I.
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@HomeWithPeanut: People without kids should be happy their brain cells work in a fairly normal manner. For example, I've recently looked for my cellphone under the couch...using the flashlight on my cellphone.
@AlexRogaski: [Science Meeting, 1924] Why don't we tell the people that every snowflake is unique? It's not like they'll ever really check "Let's do it"
@KateWhineHall: My husband is playing Super Mario Bros with our sons and one of them is having a MAJOR tantrum. Sadly, it's my husband.
@bromanconsul: GIRL NEARBY: I'm breaking up with you, Kevin. You don't talk about Pokemon enough. [I sit up straight and frantically try smoothing my hair]