@ElgatoEsmio: Saying you wanted to know where I came from is no excuse for banging my mom.
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@hilaryfairie: I keep hearing "Just be yourself" from everyone. I didn't realize so many people want me to go to prison :(
@IamEnidColeslaw: when the ice cream man drives down my street I walk alongside him screaming TAKE ME WITH YOU I WILL BEAR YOU MANY STRONG SONS
@murrman5: you're upset I bought a waterbed aren't you "yes take it back" I lost the receipt *sneezes and we bob up and down for 8 minutes in silence*
@robfee: Pretty sure airport food was priced by children just learning about numbers. "Ok Brian, how much should this apple cost?" SIXTY TWO DOLLARS!