@ElgatoEsmio: Saying you wanted to know where I came from is no excuse for banging my mom.
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@zachv86: *speaks at high school graduation* Your 12 year free trial has expired. To continue your education please submit your credit card info.
@_Tempo11: Sure I get excited when he unzips his pants. I'm pretending it's the sound of his body bag.
@zachreinert03: Ate at w pho restaurant and based on my waitress' facial reaction I'm not sure if I asked for a fork or killed her entire family