@ColoChiver: Scared the mailman today by going to the door completely naked. Not sure what scared him more, my naked body or that I knew where he lived.
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@MissNaughty1801: Me:what did daddy say when he broke his phone? 7y:can I repeat swear words? Me: no 7y: he said nothing then
@XplodingUnicorn: 6-year-old: What if dementors attack our house? Me: They can't get in. 6: Why not? Me: My patronus is a screaming toddler.
@NicestHippo: You had a flat tire on the highway? What was that like? [cut to: me crying helplessly until AAA arrives] Your survival instincts take over
@ShutUpThatsWho: [me as a ninja] [a smoke ball is thrown in a park] [when the smoke clears, all of the dogs in the park have stealthily been petted]