@ColoChiver: Scared the mailman today by going to the door completely naked. Not sure what scared him more, my naked body or that I knew where he lived.
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@Cheeseboy22: Saved my gall bladder in a jar so when they ask me at the DMV if I want to be an organ donor, I can put it on the counter and say, "YES!"
@michaelianblack: Happy Fourth of July. May your emails be gathered and your drones fly forever free!
@KenJennings: I've been at this elementary school talent show for half an hour and I've already heard "Shake It Off" 137 times.