@electrolemon: scarlet joe hanson sounds like an old timey boxer's name. "weighin' in at 182 lbs, 5'9", the ol' black widow, scarlet jooooooe hansen!"
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@david8hughes: Cop: so you went out to pick up some fruit when, out of nowhere, 3 ghosts attacked you? Pac-man [wipes tears]: 4. It was 4 ghosts
@RobinMcCauley: A woman started choking in the line at Starbucks- it was so scary but thankfully someone opened another register.
@Book_Krazy: 9: Whatcha watching? Me: Tiny Houses. 9: Wow it's tiny! Who's gonna live there? Me: Two people. 9: Are they married? Me: Not for long.
@girl_a_whirl: [Exorcism] Priest: What is your name? Demon: Jim Wife: Jim who owes us $100 or hot Jim? Demon: Nice legs Carol Wife: Let's keep him. Next...