@a_man_named_JED: School says strangers are handing out lick on LSD tattoos. I told my kids not to worry, no one is giving out good shit like that for free
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@murrman5: use this coupon for the pizza its expired whats the worst that could happen [calls wife 10min later] hello Im in something called pizza jail
@Reverend_Scott: "Hi, I'm calling for info on your bicycle on Craigslist." It's heavy, brown, has new shoes, and loves carrots. It's definitely not a horse.
@thepunningman: CEO: It's got wheels Inventor: It's the best we could do CEO: You had 30 yrs I: CEO: Put "may not hover" on the box and get out of my sight
@zombieparrot: Driving and trying to read twitter, I just ran over a poodle. Unfortunately I drive a Yaris. My car got a dent and the poodle got annoyed.