@a_man_named_JED: School says strangers are handing out lick on LSD tattoos. I told my kids not to worry, no one is giving out good shit like that for free
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@BrassBallsCJ: How DARE you go the speed limit in a situation like this... ~Me, to anyone with the audacity to be in front of me when I'm running late.
@KellyBXah: Moms, teach your sons to mind their manners, cook a decent meal & look for inner beauty.nnDads, teach your daughters how to throw a punch.
@DanLaMorte: I was on a date with a girl and she said "did you notice my finger nails?" And I was like "yes" and she was like "well I have no arms"