@armisticed: school sucks 2/10 stars would not recommend
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@Jasmin_Tatts: I don't usually spank the kids while we're in Walmart but yours were just asking for it.
@nimble__nick: *At the pearly gates* St Peter: Welcome to heaven. I'll show you around. Me: Sooo many oysters must've died to make this gate.
@biscuitahoy: When you look at Twitter's trending topics, it's a lot easier to understand why they have to write "Do Not Eat" on silica gel packets.
@deegeemindi: If someone got my name tattooed on them I'd break up with them to prove it was a bad idea.